The Key to a Good Life: Good Relationships
Back in 1992 The Stereo MCs sang, “Hear me out. Terrified. Something ain’t right.
I’m gonna get myself, gonna get myself, gonna get myself connected.”
They sure were on to something.
EPIDEMIC OF LONELINESS
Fast forward to 2024, “the shadow of loneliness and disconnection haunts our modern ‘connected’ world,” write Robert Waldinger & Marc Schulz, authors of The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. We live in a world that is more digitally connected than ever, yet there is an epidemic of loneliness. A 2021 survey by Statistics Canada found that more than 40% of people feel lonely some or most of the time. An ongoing clinical trial at Toronto’s Mt. Sinai Hospital states that loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Well before the COVID-19 pandemic, the UK appointed a Minister of Loneliness, recognizing the significant negative health impacts of social isolation.
Gabor Mate, Canadian physician and author argues that loneliness and isolation are so prevalent in our society today; leaving us traumatized, disconnected, and ashamed. He further states that loneliness and isolation are the root cause of most chronic illnesses. He calls for a complete overhaul of society. Sounds great! But, in the meantime, what might we do about it now?
POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS: AN ANTIDOTE TO LONELINESS.
Perhaps we could put the focus on cultivating relationships to the forefront of our lives, as if they depend on it. Could we intentionally focus on our relationships – nurturing the ones we have, and cultivating ones we don’t yet have. Just like we commonly make resolutions about diet and fitness, how about adding relationships to the mix? It’ll be good for your health.
The Harvard happiness study found that positive relationships are essential to human well-being. They keep us happier, healthier and help us live longer. The study also concluded that “warm, connected relationships protect against the slings and arrows of life and getting old,” (Waldinger & Schulz, 2024, pg. 23). Relationship expert, John Gottman, stated that working briefly on your marriage every day will do more for your health and longevity than working out at a health club.
Researchers Verbrugge and House of the University of Michigan found an unhappy marriage can increase our chances of getting sick by 35% and even shorten our life by an average of four to eight years.
The good news is it is never too late to begin nurturing your relationships. In fact, the authors of The Good Life conclude from the decades long research on happines, “It doesn’t matter how old you are… everyone can make positive turns in their life.”
So why not turn your attention to cultivating warm, connected relationships within your life. And for now, taking heed of the words of the Stereo MC’s and
“Make sure you’re connected.”
PRACTICALLY SPEAKING: Build a new habit of getting connected.
For the next month, add “relationships” to your to do list or calendar. Ruthlessly carve out a regular time to focus on one or more relationships in your life. Call a friend, visit a neighbor, share a favourite memory with your partner, look at family photos with your children, or other activities that foster connection.
Feel free to reach out to see how I might help you have the relationships you want in your life.